Hi Laura,
The past few weeks, Waldorf dolls have become a major help in my healing journey, and I would love to tell you some about that.
My only worry is that I don't want to overwhelm you. I don't want to spoil being able to custom order a doll from you. The experience of writing back and forth about doll ideas, and looking forward to having and holding one of your dolls has been wonderful, and I don't want to lose that.
If I was talking to you in person, I could see your body language, and I would be able to tell if you are starting to feel overwhelmed, and when it is time to not share any more. With email, I can't pick up on those clues. So I will trust you to tell me.
So for now, I am going to share a little bit,
and if you want to hear more, or have any questions, I would be happy to share more,
but if not, that's ok too.
Some background: I'm 58 years old. I'm married to a firefighter for 37 years. Our son is going to have his 25th birthday next week. We are very close.
My son went to Waldorf preschool and kindergarten.
When I was 15 years old, my mother (who was not protective of me) spooked the horse I was starting to train, and I was thrown, landed on my back on a large rock, and had a bad back injury. She didn't get me any medical care, even though I was in a lot of pain and couldn't walk for a month.
When my son was 3 years old, I had two back surgeries, the second a spinal fusion. I've had severe chronic pain ever since. I can only walk short distances, and use a motorized wheelchair part of the time.
While my son Chris was growing up, I worked hard to "keep things together" and give him a good childhood.
When Chris was in his last year of high school, and my role as mom was changing, six years ago, I started therapy.
Within a month I was diagnosed with DID, dissociative identity disorder. It is what used to be called multiple personality disorder. It is caused by severe repetitive child abuse. My parents abused me. My grandparents abused me. And when I was three years old, my parents started selling me to a pedophile ring.
In order to survive as a child, I became many different children inside.
Because of the severity of the abuse, I have more than 500 alters (alternate personalities).
I have an incredible therapist, and we are doing intense healing work.
I have three sessions a week with my primary therapist, I have two sessions a month with my psychiatrist, and I see another therapist twice a month for art therapy.
Many of my inner children have been hiding inside, curled up in nests underground, stuck in the past, holding horrific memories for all these years. To heal, they need to come to the present and learn that they can be safe, cared for, and find joy in the present. Waldorf dolls are helping them do that.
Many of my Littles (the term for child personalities) are in love with Waldorf dolls. The dolls seem to represent both the safe, cared-for childhood that they didn't have, as well as the kind of soft cuddly doll that they longed for. Waldorf dolls are like comfort, innocent childhood, and joy in tangible form. When we cuddle a Waldorf doll, we feel comforted. Many of my Littles only had abuse memories, and never had a stuffed animal or doll of their own. When a Little comes to the surface and tells her story, we try to take care of her.
Our Littles have been looking at Waldorf dolls for hours every night. They have been carrying Emily around with them everywhere. (We use a messenger bag for a purse, and carry a teddy bear with us at all times.) Now it's a doll and a teddy.
Different Littles are drawn to different dolls.
Another important part of healing is cooperation between ones-of-us. The adults in our system have been supporting our Littles with the Waldorf dolls.
And spending time looking at Waldorf dolls these past few weeks has greatly decreased the number of flashbacks we have been having. Focusing on Waldorf dolls has helped us do the intense trauma work during therapy sessions, and then contain it, and not feel like we are in crisis outside of therapy.
We had an intense therapy session today, dealing with painful emotions, and our Littles are tired. We are going to have some almond milk and then get Bartholomew Bear and Emily and take a nap on the sofa.
Many times our therapist has asked us, if a battered and abused child showed up at your door, how would you take care of her?
We would wrap her up in a quilt. We would sit by her, and listen to her story.
And we would give her a Waldorf doll to hold.
—Carole and the kids
The past few weeks, Waldorf dolls have become a major help in my healing journey, and I would love to tell you some about that.
My only worry is that I don't want to overwhelm you. I don't want to spoil being able to custom order a doll from you. The experience of writing back and forth about doll ideas, and looking forward to having and holding one of your dolls has been wonderful, and I don't want to lose that.
If I was talking to you in person, I could see your body language, and I would be able to tell if you are starting to feel overwhelmed, and when it is time to not share any more. With email, I can't pick up on those clues. So I will trust you to tell me.
So for now, I am going to share a little bit,
and if you want to hear more, or have any questions, I would be happy to share more,
but if not, that's ok too.
Some background: I'm 58 years old. I'm married to a firefighter for 37 years. Our son is going to have his 25th birthday next week. We are very close.
My son went to Waldorf preschool and kindergarten.
When I was 15 years old, my mother (who was not protective of me) spooked the horse I was starting to train, and I was thrown, landed on my back on a large rock, and had a bad back injury. She didn't get me any medical care, even though I was in a lot of pain and couldn't walk for a month.
When my son was 3 years old, I had two back surgeries, the second a spinal fusion. I've had severe chronic pain ever since. I can only walk short distances, and use a motorized wheelchair part of the time.
While my son Chris was growing up, I worked hard to "keep things together" and give him a good childhood.
When Chris was in his last year of high school, and my role as mom was changing, six years ago, I started therapy.
Within a month I was diagnosed with DID, dissociative identity disorder. It is what used to be called multiple personality disorder. It is caused by severe repetitive child abuse. My parents abused me. My grandparents abused me. And when I was three years old, my parents started selling me to a pedophile ring.
In order to survive as a child, I became many different children inside.
Because of the severity of the abuse, I have more than 500 alters (alternate personalities).
I have an incredible therapist, and we are doing intense healing work.
I have three sessions a week with my primary therapist, I have two sessions a month with my psychiatrist, and I see another therapist twice a month for art therapy.
Many of my inner children have been hiding inside, curled up in nests underground, stuck in the past, holding horrific memories for all these years. To heal, they need to come to the present and learn that they can be safe, cared for, and find joy in the present. Waldorf dolls are helping them do that.
Many of my Littles (the term for child personalities) are in love with Waldorf dolls. The dolls seem to represent both the safe, cared-for childhood that they didn't have, as well as the kind of soft cuddly doll that they longed for. Waldorf dolls are like comfort, innocent childhood, and joy in tangible form. When we cuddle a Waldorf doll, we feel comforted. Many of my Littles only had abuse memories, and never had a stuffed animal or doll of their own. When a Little comes to the surface and tells her story, we try to take care of her.
Our Littles have been looking at Waldorf dolls for hours every night. They have been carrying Emily around with them everywhere. (We use a messenger bag for a purse, and carry a teddy bear with us at all times.) Now it's a doll and a teddy.
Different Littles are drawn to different dolls.
Another important part of healing is cooperation between ones-of-us. The adults in our system have been supporting our Littles with the Waldorf dolls.
And spending time looking at Waldorf dolls these past few weeks has greatly decreased the number of flashbacks we have been having. Focusing on Waldorf dolls has helped us do the intense trauma work during therapy sessions, and then contain it, and not feel like we are in crisis outside of therapy.
We had an intense therapy session today, dealing with painful emotions, and our Littles are tired. We are going to have some almond milk and then get Bartholomew Bear and Emily and take a nap on the sofa.
Many times our therapist has asked us, if a battered and abused child showed up at your door, how would you take care of her?
We would wrap her up in a quilt. We would sit by her, and listen to her story.
And we would give her a Waldorf doll to hold.
—Carole and the kids
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