Friday, March 30, 2012
Oh so excited that you're getting your sewing machine out! I have to get a new one, the one I am working on is borrowed and I really need to give it back. I am hoping to take a trip to town on the next few weeks and get one. Ideally I'd like a vintage restored one, a steady work horse of a machine with very little to mess about and go wrong with. Fingers crossed I can get something.
Yes, the 11 inch doll looks perfect for those wings, I have little visions of a sweet little blond haired blue eyed girl wearing only a terry toweling nappy or a very simple white dress with the little wings? I'll have a play about. What do you think? Do you have any ideas?
Oh Rebe will be so excited about the story. She's so funny about hedgehogs, she's never seen a real one. I looked up some rescue centres yesterday on the net, I might give them a call and see if we could come and visit them one day? She'd really love that, only I know it will fuel her obsessions. Still I'd rather hedgehogs than Barbies or something ;-P
I was wondering if you wanted to see the progress of your dolls as I went along? I am very happy to take pictures of all the stages so you can see just how I make them. It's probably be an interesting blog post actually. But I don't want it to spoil the magic of the doll? Maybe I could show you the pictures after you received her and Sara had a chance to play with her?
So, my dear friend, I hope you are having a lovely day, mine is nearly at an end, it's been busy as usual. The kids are in the garden with Andy planting before I throw them into the bath (which they will no doubt need). After that I'm going to visit a friend and get a massage. She's fairly newly trained and looking to practice and I'm feeling quite a lot of tension (still got this headache thing), I am beginning to wonder if it is actually my eyes? I should go for a test sometime.
Anyway, take care dear sweet people, much love and many mnay kisses Laura x x x
Hi Laura,
Oh I have been thinking that I would like you to create a winged doll ....especially if you are inspired...The best (and most fun) creative work happens when we are excited and inspired, exploring and playful, and our subconscious is working away when we're sleeping or doing the daily things of life. And I know what it is like to find something like a particular fabric or yarn (or wings!) that I recognize for it's potential.
We have 9-year-old girl winged ones. They are the youngest people-winged-ones we are aware of.
(And there are also large dog, lion, and other animal winged ones.)
It is so much fun to read your excitement about having the materials for the hedgehog doll.
We're excited too!
I'm working on a story about Rebe, her wee hedgehog friend, and pockets.
Last night Ray rubbed our ankles and we fell asleep and slept the night on the sofa, and woke up when he was making coffee, getting ready for work. But we're still tired and want to go back to sleep for an hour or two.
Today I think I'm going to sweep the papers on the kitchen table into a box and set up my featherweight sewing machine. I'm in the mood to sew.
hugs!
Oh I have been thinking that I would like you to create a winged doll ....especially if you are inspired...The best (and most fun) creative work happens when we are excited and inspired, exploring and playful, and our subconscious is working away when we're sleeping or doing the daily things of life. And I know what it is like to find something like a particular fabric or yarn (or wings!) that I recognize for it's potential.
We have 9-year-old girl winged ones. They are the youngest people-winged-ones we are aware of.
(And there are also large dog, lion, and other animal winged ones.)
It is so much fun to read your excitement about having the materials for the hedgehog doll.
We're excited too!
I'm working on a story about Rebe, her wee hedgehog friend, and pockets.
Last night Ray rubbed our ankles and we fell asleep and slept the night on the sofa, and woke up when he was making coffee, getting ready for work. But we're still tired and want to go back to sleep for an hour or two.
Today I think I'm going to sweep the papers on the kitchen table into a box and set up my featherweight sewing machine. I'm in the mood to sew.
hugs!
Oh wow.... a red journal will go so well with the fabric of her dress.
My hair yarn arrived today, whoop whoop, so now I have everything to get started on the hedgehog doll, I'm so looking forward to her.
Also enclosed with the yarn were the wings. They are very beautiful I think, but I'm not sure if you would want to do anything with them. No pressure either way. If the winged ones are animals I can just send you the wings if you like and perhaps you have a plush toy they would work on?
Anyway, I couldn't wait til this evening to tell you, but I'd better go now the boys are milling around looking for mischief.
love and hugs to you all for now.
xxxx
My hair yarn arrived today, whoop whoop, so now I have everything to get started on the hedgehog doll, I'm so looking forward to her.
Also enclosed with the yarn were the wings. They are very beautiful I think, but I'm not sure if you would want to do anything with them. No pressure either way. If the winged ones are animals I can just send you the wings if you like and perhaps you have a plush toy they would work on?
Anyway, I couldn't wait til this evening to tell you, but I'd better go now the boys are milling around looking for mischief.
love and hugs to you all for now.
xxxx
this we can manage
Hi dear sweet Laura,
I love hearing about your days. It sounds like you are much more organized, with a regular pattern, than I was when Chris was little. It sounds like you have created a beautifully balanced life together.
How idyllic to be able to play on the beach.
Every year we rent a house by the sea for two weeks. I dream about having a cabin by the ocean. I love watching the ocean, for hours and hours.
I have to admit that I am relieved that you allow your children to watch movies. We love to watch children's movies, and movies like The Secret of Roan Inish (our favorite), and Miss Potter, and and UK tv series like Ballykissangel and currently Ray and I are watching Doc Martin. Oh...are you familiar with the long series Avonlea? We love the shorter production of Anne of Green Gables, and Avonlea, which is about Story Girl and other LM Montgomery stories. We were thinking this morning that re-watching the Avonlea series will be a good thing to do while we are recovering from the major surgery.
And thank you, I am so excited to hear about an author I don't know...Enid Blyton. We will look for her books online later tonight.
I am sorry to hear about Andy's unemployment. What is his work?
Ray is a firefighter, and all the firefighters in his department took a pay cut so no-one would have to be laid off.
I hope your family will be ok.
We had a long day today, but we are feeling a lot less stressed. Littles were so scared at the prospect of having the major surgery on our left foot, as well as the screws out of our right heel, both on April 11th, which was the proposed plan. We are proud of ourselves that we were able to get internally organized so the dealing-with-medical-stuff team was on the surface, and littles didn't pop to the surface sobbing and maybe rocking. That would not have been good.
So Ray drove us the hour to the hospital where the foot-and-ankle surgeon is. On the way we talked about how we were in agreement about how I need to have the screws out of my right foot and then do physical therapy to strengthen before having the major left foot surgery.
At the hospital, I had to have a dozen x-rays with the x-ray tech from hell. Then Ray and I met with the surgeon, and now the plan is for me to have the surgery to have the screws out on April 11th, and then do physical therapy , and we have a tentative major surgery date for August 15th. So we are feeling relieved. This we can manage.
And now I should have enough time to figure out some doll clothes and/or doll quilt projects.
You are so generous to share knitting patterns and yarn.
I hope I will have something to share with you.
Ray and I stopped at our local Irish pub on the way home and Ray had bangers and mash and I had chicken strips and chips. Their chips are my favorite!
But they were salty.... I need to go make a mug of tea.
goodnight for now, dear friend,
—Carole
I love hearing about your days. It sounds like you are much more organized, with a regular pattern, than I was when Chris was little. It sounds like you have created a beautifully balanced life together.
How idyllic to be able to play on the beach.
Every year we rent a house by the sea for two weeks. I dream about having a cabin by the ocean. I love watching the ocean, for hours and hours.
I have to admit that I am relieved that you allow your children to watch movies. We love to watch children's movies, and movies like The Secret of Roan Inish (our favorite), and Miss Potter, and and UK tv series like Ballykissangel and currently Ray and I are watching Doc Martin. Oh...are you familiar with the long series Avonlea? We love the shorter production of Anne of Green Gables, and Avonlea, which is about Story Girl and other LM Montgomery stories. We were thinking this morning that re-watching the Avonlea series will be a good thing to do while we are recovering from the major surgery.
And thank you, I am so excited to hear about an author I don't know...Enid Blyton. We will look for her books online later tonight.
I am sorry to hear about Andy's unemployment. What is his work?
Ray is a firefighter, and all the firefighters in his department took a pay cut so no-one would have to be laid off.
I hope your family will be ok.
We had a long day today, but we are feeling a lot less stressed. Littles were so scared at the prospect of having the major surgery on our left foot, as well as the screws out of our right heel, both on April 11th, which was the proposed plan. We are proud of ourselves that we were able to get internally organized so the dealing-with-medical-stuff team was on the surface, and littles didn't pop to the surface sobbing and maybe rocking. That would not have been good.
So Ray drove us the hour to the hospital where the foot-and-ankle surgeon is. On the way we talked about how we were in agreement about how I need to have the screws out of my right foot and then do physical therapy to strengthen before having the major left foot surgery.
At the hospital, I had to have a dozen x-rays with the x-ray tech from hell. Then Ray and I met with the surgeon, and now the plan is for me to have the surgery to have the screws out on April 11th, and then do physical therapy , and we have a tentative major surgery date for August 15th. So we are feeling relieved. This we can manage.
And now I should have enough time to figure out some doll clothes and/or doll quilt projects.
You are so generous to share knitting patterns and yarn.
I hope I will have something to share with you.
Ray and I stopped at our local Irish pub on the way home and Ray had bangers and mash and I had chicken strips and chips. Their chips are my favorite!
But they were salty.... I need to go make a mug of tea.
goodnight for now, dear friend,
—Carole
Dearest Carole,
Your husband sounds so wonderful! It's really great that you can put your feet up at home and be cared for there. I really think that home is probably the most healing place to be rather than a hospital.
Funny I was going to say talking books would be good. When I did more painting (before I had kids) I used to love being cosied up in my room painting and listening to stories.
Rebe listens to stories now every night when she goes to bed. We still have a bedtime story all together her and the boys but that is a little earlier than her bedtime so she stays up a bit later and she has quiet time doing lego or drawing or sewing and listening to tapes. She loves Enid Blyton best of all, Famous Five and Secret Seven, they are really old fashioned English stories and it's so funny to hear the influence of listening to those tapes on her language, she comes out with some really outdated phrases sometimes! I also loved Tom's Midnight Garden, the Borrowers, Anne of Green Gables when I was little and of course Beatrix Potter and Winnie the Pooh :-)
I had a lovely walk today, I left everyone at home with Andy. He was made unemployed 3 weeks ago and so I have him at home this means he watches the kids for me when I go to yoga and out for a walk. I try to fit my days around the kids though. I do house stuff and cooking in the morning while Rebe is at school and Benny and Joa bimble around the house. We may go out for a walk or a play on the beach. When Rebe comes home we have lunch together and she does her homework. After than Joa (who is 21 months now) has a nap and I let the other 2 watch a movie together and I go and do a bit of doll making. When Joa wakes I stop and we have dinner and a play or a bit of time outdoors. After the kids go to bed (around 7.30pm) I work for a couple more hours, depending on how tired I am, and that's my day really...don't know why I told you all that lol!
I am so excited about starting the hedgehog doll, I don't feel at all pressured, but it would be nice to be able to get her off to you in time for the surgery. All going well I will start on her at the weekend. Do you have a date for the surgery?
I think that little knitted doll accessories will be good little projects. They won't take too long and they can be as simple as you like. A scarf is very straight forward and little hats and socks. Bags too? I have a couple of dolls knitting patterns I can send to you, I also have loads of vintage Irish yarn in odd balls that I'll enclose too.
Anyway, I'm going to head to bed for now dear friends, it would be lovely to try and talk sometime, my phone is out of action at the moment, it seems to be some issue with our box thingy, and they are dragging their heels getting it fixed, but I'll let you know when it is :-)
Much love to you all x x x
Your husband sounds so wonderful! It's really great that you can put your feet up at home and be cared for there. I really think that home is probably the most healing place to be rather than a hospital.
Funny I was going to say talking books would be good. When I did more painting (before I had kids) I used to love being cosied up in my room painting and listening to stories.
Rebe listens to stories now every night when she goes to bed. We still have a bedtime story all together her and the boys but that is a little earlier than her bedtime so she stays up a bit later and she has quiet time doing lego or drawing or sewing and listening to tapes. She loves Enid Blyton best of all, Famous Five and Secret Seven, they are really old fashioned English stories and it's so funny to hear the influence of listening to those tapes on her language, she comes out with some really outdated phrases sometimes! I also loved Tom's Midnight Garden, the Borrowers, Anne of Green Gables when I was little and of course Beatrix Potter and Winnie the Pooh :-)
I had a lovely walk today, I left everyone at home with Andy. He was made unemployed 3 weeks ago and so I have him at home this means he watches the kids for me when I go to yoga and out for a walk. I try to fit my days around the kids though. I do house stuff and cooking in the morning while Rebe is at school and Benny and Joa bimble around the house. We may go out for a walk or a play on the beach. When Rebe comes home we have lunch together and she does her homework. After than Joa (who is 21 months now) has a nap and I let the other 2 watch a movie together and I go and do a bit of doll making. When Joa wakes I stop and we have dinner and a play or a bit of time outdoors. After the kids go to bed (around 7.30pm) I work for a couple more hours, depending on how tired I am, and that's my day really...don't know why I told you all that lol!
I am so excited about starting the hedgehog doll, I don't feel at all pressured, but it would be nice to be able to get her off to you in time for the surgery. All going well I will start on her at the weekend. Do you have a date for the surgery?
I think that little knitted doll accessories will be good little projects. They won't take too long and they can be as simple as you like. A scarf is very straight forward and little hats and socks. Bags too? I have a couple of dolls knitting patterns I can send to you, I also have loads of vintage Irish yarn in odd balls that I'll enclose too.
Anyway, I'm going to head to bed for now dear friends, it would be lovely to try and talk sometime, my phone is out of action at the moment, it seems to be some issue with our box thingy, and they are dragging their heels getting it fixed, but I'll let you know when it is :-)
Much love to you all x x x
Hi Laura,
You are so sweet, and we are smiling at the thought of you dressing Benny as a cowboy.
We're so glad to hear that your headache got better.
Our husband was on the phone with someone in England this morning, finding out about a motorcycle part (motorcycles and bicycles are his passion),
and I was thinking it would be lovely to call you on the phone some time (for a short talk... if you want to..... I know you are super-busy with your lovely children and the dolls.
I bet you have a lovely accent.
When Sara wrote about looking forward to her dolly, we didn't mean to put any pressure on you to finish it before our surgery. We could look forward to her coming some time while we are recovering. After 5 days in the hospital I will be recovering at home for two months. My husband Ray is an angel and will take off work for a month to take care of me so I won't have to go into a convalescent hospital, something I am extremely grateful for. Last time, I really needed a lot of care the first month. I had to spend a lot of time lying on the sofa (with a teddy bear and doll) or reclined back with my foot elevated above my heart, icing it to get the swelling down. Cuddling dolls and bears will be perfect. We will go to the library and get some books on cd I think.
Reading children's books are one of my favorite things to do. Do you have a favorite middle-grade or young adult children's book that you recommend?
I know three musicians that I might hire to come play mandolin or violin for an hour at a time.
The first month or two, I was only up to easy activities.
If I could learn how to knit doll sweaters before the surgery, maybe I could do that. What do you think is the easiest thing to knit for a doll?
I will probably need to order some yarn and the right size needles.
We are hoping you have a sunny day with your little ones,
and we hope you got a nice walk.
til later,
love and hugs,
Carole
You are so sweet, and we are smiling at the thought of you dressing Benny as a cowboy.
We're so glad to hear that your headache got better.
Our husband was on the phone with someone in England this morning, finding out about a motorcycle part (motorcycles and bicycles are his passion),
and I was thinking it would be lovely to call you on the phone some time (for a short talk... if you want to..... I know you are super-busy with your lovely children and the dolls.
I bet you have a lovely accent.
When Sara wrote about looking forward to her dolly, we didn't mean to put any pressure on you to finish it before our surgery. We could look forward to her coming some time while we are recovering. After 5 days in the hospital I will be recovering at home for two months. My husband Ray is an angel and will take off work for a month to take care of me so I won't have to go into a convalescent hospital, something I am extremely grateful for. Last time, I really needed a lot of care the first month. I had to spend a lot of time lying on the sofa (with a teddy bear and doll) or reclined back with my foot elevated above my heart, icing it to get the swelling down. Cuddling dolls and bears will be perfect. We will go to the library and get some books on cd I think.
Reading children's books are one of my favorite things to do. Do you have a favorite middle-grade or young adult children's book that you recommend?
I know three musicians that I might hire to come play mandolin or violin for an hour at a time.
The first month or two, I was only up to easy activities.
If I could learn how to knit doll sweaters before the surgery, maybe I could do that. What do you think is the easiest thing to knit for a doll?
I will probably need to order some yarn and the right size needles.
We are hoping you have a sunny day with your little ones,
and we hope you got a nice walk.
til later,
love and hugs,
Carole
Hello dear all,
It's morning here and my kids are just waking so I won't have much time
to write now, but my head ache is gone, thank you :-) I had a wonderful
nights sleep and feel much better...I guess I was over tired.
It is a gorgeous clear day out and I will also make sure I get out for my walk today something I haven't been doing enough this week.
Dearest Sara
Thank you for writing to me :-)
I am so excited about our dolly. The fabric for the dress which came yesterday is so so nice! I will try so so hard to make sure you have your doll for the surgery. I am just waiting for a few more things and then I will start her. I will start doing the knitting today though as I will be able to match up the colours now I have the fabric.
You are all brave and as you said you have been through the surgery and have done it before and so you will be able to do it again. Perhaps you can have lots of lovely things plannedfor your recovery (making dolls clothes, knitting, special meals, phone calls and letters with friends) things you can really look forward to and that will get you through the day itself.
Well Benny is here now waiting for me to dress him as a cowboy and get him some breakfast, so I kiss you all now and will chat to you later
much love x x
It is a gorgeous clear day out and I will also make sure I get out for my walk today something I haven't been doing enough this week.
Dearest Sara
Thank you for writing to me :-)
I am so excited about our dolly. The fabric for the dress which came yesterday is so so nice! I will try so so hard to make sure you have your doll for the surgery. I am just waiting for a few more things and then I will start her. I will start doing the knitting today though as I will be able to match up the colours now I have the fabric.
You are all brave and as you said you have been through the surgery and have done it before and so you will be able to do it again. Perhaps you can have lots of lovely things plannedfor your recovery (making dolls clothes, knitting, special meals, phone calls and letters with friends) things you can really look forward to and that will get you through the day itself.
Well Benny is here now waiting for me to dress him as a cowboy and get him some breakfast, so I kiss you all now and will chat to you later
much love x x
from little Sara
Hi Laura,
this is Sara, and other littles are here too, but I get to write.
Jo is helping me spell and type. But I am smart cos I can type. myself.
I am so so glad that you will make a doll for me. I am looking forward. I like the pink with hedgehog babies.
I am pretty scared now so I am glad that there will be a doll. for me. special. thank you.
we have to go to the doctor tomorrow and talk about having surgery next month on the leventh. the nurse called today and said the doctor wants to do surgery on both feet on the leventh. both feet! we said no, one at a time, so she said we should come talk to the doctor tomorrow.
one surgery won't be bad she says, taking the screws out of our right foot.
but the other surgery is bad. I know cos we had it before.
they take one tendon out and put it for another tendon, and take off our heel and put it back on with big screws. and cut and lengthen our achilles tendon.
I be so scard.
I guess im not brave.
but last time the day after, they made it so we had no pain medicine. in the hospital.
But doctor Fishman, who is our pain doctor, said he will take care of us next time.
I only want dollies, not hurting.
Good things:
dollies. the wee hedgehog doll you will make.
we can hold dollies and make up stories with our dollies.
Sally our therapist rents an office not hers so we can see her in our wheelchair.
and we will have ichat sessions too.
we got through it once. we can get through it again.
grownups gots to talk to the doctor tomorrow, so littles don't show how scared they are. we would cry and be so upset maybe the doctor wouldn't fix our ankle. and our foot and ankle really needs to be fixed.
so we gots to do it.
but I be scared.
thank you for making it so we can look forward to dollies.
little Sara
this is Sara, and other littles are here too, but I get to write.
Jo is helping me spell and type. But I am smart cos I can type. myself.
I am so so glad that you will make a doll for me. I am looking forward. I like the pink with hedgehog babies.
I am pretty scared now so I am glad that there will be a doll. for me. special. thank you.
we have to go to the doctor tomorrow and talk about having surgery next month on the leventh. the nurse called today and said the doctor wants to do surgery on both feet on the leventh. both feet! we said no, one at a time, so she said we should come talk to the doctor tomorrow.
one surgery won't be bad she says, taking the screws out of our right foot.
but the other surgery is bad. I know cos we had it before.
they take one tendon out and put it for another tendon, and take off our heel and put it back on with big screws. and cut and lengthen our achilles tendon.
I be so scard.
I guess im not brave.
but last time the day after, they made it so we had no pain medicine. in the hospital.
But doctor Fishman, who is our pain doctor, said he will take care of us next time.
I only want dollies, not hurting.
Good things:
dollies. the wee hedgehog doll you will make.
we can hold dollies and make up stories with our dollies.
Sally our therapist rents an office not hers so we can see her in our wheelchair.
and we will have ichat sessions too.
we got through it once. we can get through it again.
grownups gots to talk to the doctor tomorrow, so littles don't show how scared they are. we would cry and be so upset maybe the doctor wouldn't fix our ankle. and our foot and ankle really needs to be fixed.
so we gots to do it.
but I be scared.
thank you for making it so we can look forward to dollies.
little Sara
Laura,
I hope your headache eases soon. do you know the technique of gently squeezing/massaging the area on the hand between the thumb and forefinger? Sometimes it helps headaches go away or at least decrease.
the wings sound full of potential,
and it is very exciting, thinking of you beginning on our dolls (once your headache gets better.... we want you to take care of yourself first).
take gentle care,
—Carole
I hope your headache eases soon. do you know the technique of gently squeezing/massaging the area on the hand between the thumb and forefinger? Sometimes it helps headaches go away or at least decrease.
the wings sound full of potential,
and it is very exciting, thinking of you beginning on our dolls (once your headache gets better.... we want you to take care of yourself first).
take gentle care,
—Carole
Hi Carole
Wow that was a really powerful letter, thank you so much. It is so interesting for me getting to know you and to learn about DID. It sounds like you have come so far already on your healing journey, you obviously work really hard at it and I am so in awe of that!
I would love to read your memoir of course and I am really touched by the story of the winged ones and each child having someone to look after her.
Speaking of wings, I may have found some! The shop I ordered our hair yarn from has some, I ordered a pair, they are made of white feathers and look beautiful. Perhaps we will be able to do something with them? We'll see when they get here.
Also guess what came through the post today? The hedgehog fabric and it's so sweet. Sara you're going to love it! I can't wait to make this dress!
Well I'd better go, I want to try and post a few things to my blog before the boys wake up, both are napping after our home kindergarten session.
I'm hoping to get to yoga tonight, I've had a headache for 2 days now, perhaps that will help to shift it, if not an early night is called for :-)
Much love to you all and thank you again for sharing so much of yourself. I feel we are really developing a true friendship and this is very special to me :-)
love and hugs x x
Wow that was a really powerful letter, thank you so much. It is so interesting for me getting to know you and to learn about DID. It sounds like you have come so far already on your healing journey, you obviously work really hard at it and I am so in awe of that!
I would love to read your memoir of course and I am really touched by the story of the winged ones and each child having someone to look after her.
Speaking of wings, I may have found some! The shop I ordered our hair yarn from has some, I ordered a pair, they are made of white feathers and look beautiful. Perhaps we will be able to do something with them? We'll see when they get here.
Also guess what came through the post today? The hedgehog fabric and it's so sweet. Sara you're going to love it! I can't wait to make this dress!
Well I'd better go, I want to try and post a few things to my blog before the boys wake up, both are napping after our home kindergarten session.
I'm hoping to get to yoga tonight, I've had a headache for 2 days now, perhaps that will help to shift it, if not an early night is called for :-)
Much love to you all and thank you again for sharing so much of yourself. I feel we are really developing a true friendship and this is very special to me :-)
love and hugs x x
winged ones came
oh we forgot to tell you a wonderful part about when we learned about the more than 100 babies.
We knew about two adults who would comfort babies, and a few winged ones, but there were so many babies. We called for help, and from every direction, winged ones came flying in, and there was someone to comfort each baby, and the babies were soothed, and comforted. It was a beautiful experience.
Whenever we gather a healing circle, at the beginning of doing trauma work in therapy, there is at least one winged one. And also littles and older ones who give support.
thanks for listening,
Carole
We knew about two adults who would comfort babies, and a few winged ones, but there were so many babies. We called for help, and from every direction, winged ones came flying in, and there was someone to comfort each baby, and the babies were soothed, and comforted. It was a beautiful experience.
Whenever we gather a healing circle, at the beginning of doing trauma work in therapy, there is at least one winged one. And also littles and older ones who give support.
thanks for listening,
Carole
where to begin?
Hi Laura,
Today I had art therapy (in the next city, about 45 minutes away), and then went to a quilt group meeting for an hour (where I showed them 2 Waldorf dolls and they encouraged me to knit doll sweaters).
We really do appreciate you asking questions.
ok..... where to begin about our experience with DID.....
I always knew that there was a vast landscape inside of me, and I journaled with different names, but I figured that it was part of being creative and an artist..... giving names to the people inside. I thought I was just more in touch with what it is to be a multi-faceted human being.
Before therapy and the DID diagnosis, sometimes when I was alone in the house, I would go to bed and suck my thumb and self-soothe. One day after starting therapy, I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea, and thinking about what it feels like to be in that baby personality. All of a sudden I had a vivid image of a field, with more than 100 babies lying on the ground, and they were crying and sobbing. I had bad abdominal pain and fell on the floor. I was terrified that rather than switching to a self-soothing baby, that I would switch to a crying baby and get stuck there and end up psychiatrically hospitalized in that state. With the skills Sally had taught us, we were able to make a deal that we would bring the babies and and the pain and crying to therapy the next session, but contain things until then.
That was how I found out that there were more than 100 babies inside.
My mother had told me that I had colic as a baby, and that she hit me if I cried until I stopped crying. And that the doctor had told her to leave me in my crib, close the door to the room, and walk away. She didn't know how to hold a baby.
If I hadn't been able to dissociate as an infant, I wouldn't have been able to attach, and I would have died.
Because I was abused by my parents, grandparents, and strangers, from infancy, I have polyfragmented DID, which means I have more than 100 alters. And many memories are held by groups of alters.
We don't have a host personality. Who I am is all of us together.
Early in therapy, Sally was telling us that we needed to create a nursery school inside, so littles could learn things like taking turns. At the time we were shocked that she had identified enough littles to form a nursery school class.
Now we understand that the majority of our alters are under the age of 10.
Imagine a theatre, with a stage, and one person can be on that stage, but more often there is a small group of people. And there also are people in the wings, and backstage, and in other parts of the building, and in the village, and living in other areas of the countryside.
That's one way we explain our experience.
We usually have groups of people on the surface. And who is on the surface changes.
Usually there are some littles on the surface.
We don't always have names. Sometimes I/we know the name of who is on the surface.
I switch a lot. When I am stressed, I often start rapid switching.
We have a very strict rule that only grown-ups drive. When we were in our 20's, we kept getting dizzy and blacking out. We were mis-diagnosed with epilepsy, but actually it was dissociation. We made an absolute rule that we only drove with safe adult parts on the surface.
When we do intense trauma work in therapy, if we drove ourselves, we often sit in the waiting room for an hour or more to get re-organized in our mind so we can be safe to drive.
Medical appointments medical situations are a challenge for us to manage, because the head of the pedophile ring that our parents sold us to was a doctor, and there were medical aspects to our abuse. We used to black out a lot in medical or dental situations. Now we have a team who handle medical appointments. But also, our doctors and dentist know about the DID, so they know to take things slow and explain things, and if a little pops to the surface, they explain and reassure as if they are talking to a 3-d child.
I have to have general anesthesia for some medical tests and dental work because of our abuse history.
We have anniversary reactions to different times of the year. Good Friday and Easter are difficult times for us. They had thematic parties for every holiday.
When we see holiday decorations, the littles who hold memories from that time of the year pop to the surface.
There was a time, early in therapy, when Sally was getting really mad at the adults in our system for not supervising littles when they are on the surface. (You don't let a toddler wander around alone).
Some times we have experiences of an alter taking executive control of the body, and others are aware, but can't change the action.
Also we have experiences of hearing ourself say things that we have no idea where it is coming from. That is called "made speech" or "made action", a couple of the symptoms of DID.
Part of healing, and our therapy journey, has been gaining greater awareness and control. But we still lose time. One of the diagnostic criteria for DID is amnesia, or losing time, when some alters don't share co-consciousness.
For instance, if Amy doesn't share co-consciousness with Max, when Amy comes to the surface after Max, she has no memory of what went on while Max was on the surface.
All my life I have lost time. I have a very clear memory of "coming to" when I was four years old, and knowing that I had lost about two years.
Until I started therapy, I spent a lot of energy "faking it", hiding what I couldn't remember.
I felt guilty and hid losing time. I felt guilty about depression. I felt a tremendous relief when I learned where those symptoms and others were coming from.
I still have a lot of amnesia.
But for the last year or two, I haven't been finding myself in a part of town, with no memory of how I got there, or hiding under a bush in a park at 2 in the morning (having flashbacks of a terrified child, thinking that the abuse was still going on).
There was a year or so, early in therapy, during which I kept finding myself by a mountain lake (I still don't know what mountain lake), in the middle of the night. It got to the point where if I called Sally because I was in crisis in the middle of the night, and I wasn't by a body of water, she would say "good, you're not at a lake ."
We wrote a 2 page memoir piece about that experience. I wonder if you would like to read it?
We have grown-ups in our system. And winged ones. There are more than 100 winged ones. I don't know how many grown-ups.
There are more child alters because that is when the abuse happened.
Alters were created to hold the memories.
When child alters first come to the surface, they almost always "don't do time". Sally introduces herself, tells the child she is safe, and shows her a calendar, explaining how time has passed and the abusers are dead now.
There are so many times we have looked at a current calendar, and it looks like a piece of science fiction art. We think it is still1962 or another time of our childhood.
The ones of us who were created to do the daily life, and who needed to not-know and not-believe the abuse tend to be older children or adults.
When we recover memories, we get to know the ones-of-us who hold those memories.
Sometimes it feels like the further along in therapy I get, the younger I get. That is because the littles have to come to the surface to tell their stories, find out that it is safe now and that people care, and to heal.
Sally says that the littles were always on the surface a lot, but that now we are more aware of what is going on.
One of the major goals of therapy is improving communication and cooperation between different ones of us.
Oh my goodness,
I hope I haven't blown you away or tired you out by writing this much.
if you have any questions, we are happy to answer, but if this is more than enough, that is fine too.
thank you for asking.
We hope you are finding joy with your children and with dollmaking.
hugs,
—Carole
Today I had art therapy (in the next city, about 45 minutes away), and then went to a quilt group meeting for an hour (where I showed them 2 Waldorf dolls and they encouraged me to knit doll sweaters).
We really do appreciate you asking questions.
ok..... where to begin about our experience with DID.....
I always knew that there was a vast landscape inside of me, and I journaled with different names, but I figured that it was part of being creative and an artist..... giving names to the people inside. I thought I was just more in touch with what it is to be a multi-faceted human being.
Before therapy and the DID diagnosis, sometimes when I was alone in the house, I would go to bed and suck my thumb and self-soothe. One day after starting therapy, I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea, and thinking about what it feels like to be in that baby personality. All of a sudden I had a vivid image of a field, with more than 100 babies lying on the ground, and they were crying and sobbing. I had bad abdominal pain and fell on the floor. I was terrified that rather than switching to a self-soothing baby, that I would switch to a crying baby and get stuck there and end up psychiatrically hospitalized in that state. With the skills Sally had taught us, we were able to make a deal that we would bring the babies and and the pain and crying to therapy the next session, but contain things until then.
That was how I found out that there were more than 100 babies inside.
My mother had told me that I had colic as a baby, and that she hit me if I cried until I stopped crying. And that the doctor had told her to leave me in my crib, close the door to the room, and walk away. She didn't know how to hold a baby.
If I hadn't been able to dissociate as an infant, I wouldn't have been able to attach, and I would have died.
Because I was abused by my parents, grandparents, and strangers, from infancy, I have polyfragmented DID, which means I have more than 100 alters. And many memories are held by groups of alters.
We don't have a host personality. Who I am is all of us together.
Early in therapy, Sally was telling us that we needed to create a nursery school inside, so littles could learn things like taking turns. At the time we were shocked that she had identified enough littles to form a nursery school class.
Now we understand that the majority of our alters are under the age of 10.
Imagine a theatre, with a stage, and one person can be on that stage, but more often there is a small group of people. And there also are people in the wings, and backstage, and in other parts of the building, and in the village, and living in other areas of the countryside.
That's one way we explain our experience.
We usually have groups of people on the surface. And who is on the surface changes.
Usually there are some littles on the surface.
We don't always have names. Sometimes I/we know the name of who is on the surface.
I switch a lot. When I am stressed, I often start rapid switching.
We have a very strict rule that only grown-ups drive. When we were in our 20's, we kept getting dizzy and blacking out. We were mis-diagnosed with epilepsy, but actually it was dissociation. We made an absolute rule that we only drove with safe adult parts on the surface.
When we do intense trauma work in therapy, if we drove ourselves, we often sit in the waiting room for an hour or more to get re-organized in our mind so we can be safe to drive.
Medical appointments medical situations are a challenge for us to manage, because the head of the pedophile ring that our parents sold us to was a doctor, and there were medical aspects to our abuse. We used to black out a lot in medical or dental situations. Now we have a team who handle medical appointments. But also, our doctors and dentist know about the DID, so they know to take things slow and explain things, and if a little pops to the surface, they explain and reassure as if they are talking to a 3-d child.
I have to have general anesthesia for some medical tests and dental work because of our abuse history.
We have anniversary reactions to different times of the year. Good Friday and Easter are difficult times for us. They had thematic parties for every holiday.
When we see holiday decorations, the littles who hold memories from that time of the year pop to the surface.
There was a time, early in therapy, when Sally was getting really mad at the adults in our system for not supervising littles when they are on the surface. (You don't let a toddler wander around alone).
Some times we have experiences of an alter taking executive control of the body, and others are aware, but can't change the action.
Also we have experiences of hearing ourself say things that we have no idea where it is coming from. That is called "made speech" or "made action", a couple of the symptoms of DID.
Part of healing, and our therapy journey, has been gaining greater awareness and control. But we still lose time. One of the diagnostic criteria for DID is amnesia, or losing time, when some alters don't share co-consciousness.
For instance, if Amy doesn't share co-consciousness with Max, when Amy comes to the surface after Max, she has no memory of what went on while Max was on the surface.
All my life I have lost time. I have a very clear memory of "coming to" when I was four years old, and knowing that I had lost about two years.
Until I started therapy, I spent a lot of energy "faking it", hiding what I couldn't remember.
I felt guilty and hid losing time. I felt guilty about depression. I felt a tremendous relief when I learned where those symptoms and others were coming from.
I still have a lot of amnesia.
But for the last year or two, I haven't been finding myself in a part of town, with no memory of how I got there, or hiding under a bush in a park at 2 in the morning (having flashbacks of a terrified child, thinking that the abuse was still going on).
There was a year or so, early in therapy, during which I kept finding myself by a mountain lake (I still don't know what mountain lake), in the middle of the night. It got to the point where if I called Sally because I was in crisis in the middle of the night, and I wasn't by a body of water, she would say "good, you're not at a lake ."
We wrote a 2 page memoir piece about that experience. I wonder if you would like to read it?
We have grown-ups in our system. And winged ones. There are more than 100 winged ones. I don't know how many grown-ups.
There are more child alters because that is when the abuse happened.
Alters were created to hold the memories.
When child alters first come to the surface, they almost always "don't do time". Sally introduces herself, tells the child she is safe, and shows her a calendar, explaining how time has passed and the abusers are dead now.
There are so many times we have looked at a current calendar, and it looks like a piece of science fiction art. We think it is still1962 or another time of our childhood.
The ones of us who were created to do the daily life, and who needed to not-know and not-believe the abuse tend to be older children or adults.
When we recover memories, we get to know the ones-of-us who hold those memories.
Sometimes it feels like the further along in therapy I get, the younger I get. That is because the littles have to come to the surface to tell their stories, find out that it is safe now and that people care, and to heal.
Sally says that the littles were always on the surface a lot, but that now we are more aware of what is going on.
One of the major goals of therapy is improving communication and cooperation between different ones of us.
Oh my goodness,
I hope I haven't blown you away or tired you out by writing this much.
if you have any questions, we are happy to answer, but if this is more than enough, that is fine too.
thank you for asking.
We hope you are finding joy with your children and with dollmaking.
hugs,
—Carole
a couple of questions about DID
Dear little Max,
how lovely to hear from you again. You sound like a good guy to have around!! You'd love where we live. Out of our back garden is a beautiful woods. In the early summer it's filled with bluebells and it is always filled with magic. We play there a lot. Benny (my boy who is 3) found a dragon tree there, it looks just like a dragon and you can even ride on it. There is a gnome tree, and a tree stump that's a shop and many horses and many many climbing trees. There is also a little beach that is a lot of fun too. Out of our front garden, at the bottom of the road is a beach with sand and shells and stones. We play there a lot too. We're very lucky to live here :-)
I'm going to really love making this special doll for you, it's especially nice because I know you will hold and love him and have adventures with him, but I also know that you'll look after him well. He will be made with a lot of love I promise you that, and while I make him I'll whisper in good dreams and happy thoughts especially for you :-)
Take care sweetie
Dear Carole
Hope you got some sleep and that you've had a good day. Mine's been fine, I'm a bit tired now, I finished a baby doll for someone this afternoon which always feels nice and like an achievement. I'm going to order the materials for your dolls now and then have an early night I think :-) To answer your questions, yes all the dolls I make will go through etsy sooner or later, I think there may even be a couple I can get into the shop that won't have reserves on them?!?!
I wanted to ask you a couple of questions about DID if that's ok? If they are too personal and you don't feel like answering that's totally fine!! I was wondering if you can always control who is on the surface? You know, if you HAVE to be in charge like when you're driving or in a meeting? Or do the littles surface whenever they need to or choose?
I was also wondering what sort of ages the littles are? Thanks to dear little Max writing to me I know there are boys and girls, (something else I was wondering about.) Are there babies too and older people?
Have you always known about the littles, was it always clear how many people you were, or is this something that emerged during therapy?
I hope you don't mind me asking, and as I say if you'd rather not answer that's perfectly fine.
Well, my dears, I'm off to order some materials, I'm so excited :-) x x x
how lovely to hear from you again. You sound like a good guy to have around!! You'd love where we live. Out of our back garden is a beautiful woods. In the early summer it's filled with bluebells and it is always filled with magic. We play there a lot. Benny (my boy who is 3) found a dragon tree there, it looks just like a dragon and you can even ride on it. There is a gnome tree, and a tree stump that's a shop and many horses and many many climbing trees. There is also a little beach that is a lot of fun too. Out of our front garden, at the bottom of the road is a beach with sand and shells and stones. We play there a lot too. We're very lucky to live here :-)
I'm going to really love making this special doll for you, it's especially nice because I know you will hold and love him and have adventures with him, but I also know that you'll look after him well. He will be made with a lot of love I promise you that, and while I make him I'll whisper in good dreams and happy thoughts especially for you :-)
Take care sweetie
Dear Carole
Hope you got some sleep and that you've had a good day. Mine's been fine, I'm a bit tired now, I finished a baby doll for someone this afternoon which always feels nice and like an achievement. I'm going to order the materials for your dolls now and then have an early night I think :-) To answer your questions, yes all the dolls I make will go through etsy sooner or later, I think there may even be a couple I can get into the shop that won't have reserves on them?!?!
I wanted to ask you a couple of questions about DID if that's ok? If they are too personal and you don't feel like answering that's totally fine!! I was wondering if you can always control who is on the surface? You know, if you HAVE to be in charge like when you're driving or in a meeting? Or do the littles surface whenever they need to or choose?
I was also wondering what sort of ages the littles are? Thanks to dear little Max writing to me I know there are boys and girls, (something else I was wondering about.) Are there babies too and older people?
Have you always known about the littles, was it always clear how many people you were, or is this something that emerged during therapy?
I hope you don't mind me asking, and as I say if you'd rather not answer that's perfectly fine.
Well, my dears, I'm off to order some materials, I'm so excited :-) x x x
a doll doesn't pee on your leg
Hi Laura,
I'm still up (it's 2am here). I get overly tired and then I have a hard time making myself get to bed. I did get in my pjs as soon as I got home. But I'm starving (just had chips at the pub for dinner), so I'm going to eat microwave some french toast after this and make myself go to bed on the sofa, which is where I sleep half the time for back support. sorry.... I'm blathering on....
oh your spoon puppets sound inspirational! I'm going to put wooden spoons on the shopping list and try a couple myself.
I made a cute doll with a two-and-a-half inch wide flat paintbrush (an inexpensive kind they sell for house painting). the brushes stick up for hair...
we tied driftwood on for angel wings...
Homeschooling and three children under the age of seven... you are a wonderwoman! oh.... and then there is the dollmaking!..... super-wonder-woman! hee hee.....
I love seeing the dolls you have made for others. Will the baby dolls you are making appear on your etsy site?
one wonderful thing about being physically disabled..... aside from bill-paying and doing laundry, I pretty much ignore the housework. Ray does the dishes and cleans the bathrooms, but things keep piling up. When drums started accumulating after the books and fabric and art supplies he asked "why is it that everything you do has STUFFF?"
ok, I'm Max now (we didn't realize he was left-handed....but the body just switched to holding the fork with our left hand)
hi
you sure are nice to rite me and everything
thankk you for saying you will make a boy doll for me. for us.
cos i will share. if they are carful.
we had a baby boy too. all of us took care of chris while he was little cos we know what babies need. we never ever ever let him be alone if he cry.
an we never hit him if he cry. we jus loves him. and holds him. an loves him.
he grew up ann hes not a baby any mor.
yes I like trees. there be lots of trees in Larkwood park. thats our park where lots of the kids live. I have a tree house there. but I usually live in this hous cos I know about now.
and I like to go to the beach and make sand dragons and collect shells.
Sometimes when thers only kids in the body, im in charge. grownups put me in charge if they need to be happy. but we never drive. only grownups get to drive. If us littles make breakfast i make sure everbody be safe. but we sometime we make a mess.
i dont get to climb trees much any more cos of this body. but inside i can climb an run and sit on the ground like your spossed to. I don like this body cos it is wrong cos it dosnt look like a little boy. Sometimes i get really upset if i look at the miiror. but Sally says the body is good an got us safe threw. an Sally says it is good cos we be safe now. and i jus thot of something. i cant climb trees or run or sit on the flor cept in my mind, but I can have a doll to hold in the now. we can make stories and have adventures together. maybe a sailbot. an a teddy bear tea prty. I wish i had a doll to hold now. the girls sad I can hold emily or bartholomew bear.
a doll isn't as nice as a puppy. but a doll dosnt pee on your leg.
thakn you for saying boy dolls is nic. i like boy dolls the best.
your little boys are lucky.
what is it like to have a mommy who makes you a doll?
your friend,
Max
I'm still up (it's 2am here). I get overly tired and then I have a hard time making myself get to bed. I did get in my pjs as soon as I got home. But I'm starving (just had chips at the pub for dinner), so I'm going to eat microwave some french toast after this and make myself go to bed on the sofa, which is where I sleep half the time for back support. sorry.... I'm blathering on....
oh your spoon puppets sound inspirational! I'm going to put wooden spoons on the shopping list and try a couple myself.
I made a cute doll with a two-and-a-half inch wide flat paintbrush (an inexpensive kind they sell for house painting). the brushes stick up for hair...
we tied driftwood on for angel wings...
Homeschooling and three children under the age of seven... you are a wonderwoman! oh.... and then there is the dollmaking!..... super-wonder-woman! hee hee.....
I love seeing the dolls you have made for others. Will the baby dolls you are making appear on your etsy site?
one wonderful thing about being physically disabled..... aside from bill-paying and doing laundry, I pretty much ignore the housework. Ray does the dishes and cleans the bathrooms, but things keep piling up. When drums started accumulating after the books and fabric and art supplies he asked "why is it that everything you do has STUFFF?"
ok, I'm Max now (we didn't realize he was left-handed....but the body just switched to holding the fork with our left hand)
hi
you sure are nice to rite me and everything
thankk you for saying you will make a boy doll for me. for us.
cos i will share. if they are carful.
we had a baby boy too. all of us took care of chris while he was little cos we know what babies need. we never ever ever let him be alone if he cry.
an we never hit him if he cry. we jus loves him. and holds him. an loves him.
he grew up ann hes not a baby any mor.
yes I like trees. there be lots of trees in Larkwood park. thats our park where lots of the kids live. I have a tree house there. but I usually live in this hous cos I know about now.
and I like to go to the beach and make sand dragons and collect shells.
Sometimes when thers only kids in the body, im in charge. grownups put me in charge if they need to be happy. but we never drive. only grownups get to drive. If us littles make breakfast i make sure everbody be safe. but we sometime we make a mess.
i dont get to climb trees much any more cos of this body. but inside i can climb an run and sit on the ground like your spossed to. I don like this body cos it is wrong cos it dosnt look like a little boy. Sometimes i get really upset if i look at the miiror. but Sally says the body is good an got us safe threw. an Sally says it is good cos we be safe now. and i jus thot of something. i cant climb trees or run or sit on the flor cept in my mind, but I can have a doll to hold in the now. we can make stories and have adventures together. maybe a sailbot. an a teddy bear tea prty. I wish i had a doll to hold now. the girls sad I can hold emily or bartholomew bear.
a doll isn't as nice as a puppy. but a doll dosnt pee on your leg.
thakn you for saying boy dolls is nic. i like boy dolls the best.
your little boys are lucky.
what is it like to have a mommy who makes you a doll?
your friend,
Max
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Hello dear Max
Oh this is a treat for me, usually I normally only get to talk to a customer's mommy, so it is especially nice that I get to talk with you, an actual customer :-) I have a daughter who is six like you and she also has yellow hair, which has made yellow her favorite colour. I'm very sorry I won't be able to manage a yellow dog with wings. Your friend Golden sounds very special :-) But I certainly can make a you a boy doll that looks like you! I love making boy dolls, in fact I secretly like making them best of all, maybe it's because my last real babies were boys, I don't know but they are a lot of fun :-) I'm surely going to enjoy making your doll for you and when I do I'll be imagining all the fun you have together (climbing trees is coming to mind?!?!) So nice to talk to you and do write to me anytime, my friend,
hugs Laura x
Dear Carole
Wow sounds as if your day was very full, ours was too, but in a nice way! Our week begins today, Rebe back at school this morning so I have to go in a moment and get everyone dressed. Today I have a pile of housework to do, but will get some time for doll making in the afternoon and evening.
Tomorrow I'm visiting and friend and then will need to make a wooden spoon puppet. On Wednesday we get together with 5 other families for a little Waldorf inspired homeschool kindergarten session and I'm leading the craft activity and we're making wooden spoon puppets so I'll need to do a trial one. Wednesday is the group and in the evening yoga and then Thursday we have another playgroup. Oof, busy one this week, but all good stuff and I'm hoping to get these baby dolls finished this week and am going to order the materials I need for your dolls today (so exciting!!!)
Well, I send all of you my love and wish you a happy day full of rest and joy and play
hugs Laura x x x
Oh this is a treat for me, usually I normally only get to talk to a customer's mommy, so it is especially nice that I get to talk with you, an actual customer :-) I have a daughter who is six like you and she also has yellow hair, which has made yellow her favorite colour. I'm very sorry I won't be able to manage a yellow dog with wings. Your friend Golden sounds very special :-) But I certainly can make a you a boy doll that looks like you! I love making boy dolls, in fact I secretly like making them best of all, maybe it's because my last real babies were boys, I don't know but they are a lot of fun :-) I'm surely going to enjoy making your doll for you and when I do I'll be imagining all the fun you have together (climbing trees is coming to mind?!?!) So nice to talk to you and do write to me anytime, my friend,
hugs Laura x
Dear Carole
Wow sounds as if your day was very full, ours was too, but in a nice way! Our week begins today, Rebe back at school this morning so I have to go in a moment and get everyone dressed. Today I have a pile of housework to do, but will get some time for doll making in the afternoon and evening.
Tomorrow I'm visiting and friend and then will need to make a wooden spoon puppet. On Wednesday we get together with 5 other families for a little Waldorf inspired homeschool kindergarten session and I'm leading the craft activity and we're making wooden spoon puppets so I'll need to do a trial one. Wednesday is the group and in the evening yoga and then Thursday we have another playgroup. Oof, busy one this week, but all good stuff and I'm hoping to get these baby dolls finished this week and am going to order the materials I need for your dolls today (so exciting!!!)
Well, I send all of you my love and wish you a happy day full of rest and joy and play
hugs Laura x x x
a boy doll please
Hi Laura,
Oh we are happy that you can do the pinafore dress. Somebody little really wants that. We can feel the intense emotions. It's a big deal to somebody inside.
We had a long music day today, and littles didn't have much time or attention. We played in worship band at church, came home and had a yogurt, had a mandolin lesson, then it was time to go to Irish session. We got home at about 8pm, and littles went straight for our dolls and stuffed animals. They are tired and upset. You know how it is when a toddler is tired and on the verge of meltdown.....
time for soothing activity,
something to eat,
and then to bed (with stuffed animals)
Max wants to write to you....
He's been wanting to write since yesterday...
Hi Im max. im 6. they say i can rite to you cos you are safe and a nice lady and a frind and you are a good mom to your kids and you are a frind to all of us.
I lik the dolls to. but all the dolls are girl dolls.
Can I have a boy doll plese? Like sweet william. I have blond hair and hazel eyes and a doll lik that wood be good. I like blue for close. maybe blue overalls. soft ones. maybe a blue hat like that girl dolly that has a hat with a point. That is a good hat. Or I wood like soft brown overalls with a knit hat with bunny ears. that wood be good too.
at first I thot of asking for a big dog with wings like my friend Golden, with hair like me, but a dog with wings. but that probly is too hard. I have lots ideas. but mostly I want a boy doll. plese.
your friend,
Max
Oh we are happy that you can do the pinafore dress. Somebody little really wants that. We can feel the intense emotions. It's a big deal to somebody inside.
We had a long music day today, and littles didn't have much time or attention. We played in worship band at church, came home and had a yogurt, had a mandolin lesson, then it was time to go to Irish session. We got home at about 8pm, and littles went straight for our dolls and stuffed animals. They are tired and upset. You know how it is when a toddler is tired and on the verge of meltdown.....
time for soothing activity,
something to eat,
and then to bed (with stuffed animals)
Max wants to write to you....
He's been wanting to write since yesterday...
Hi Im max. im 6. they say i can rite to you cos you are safe and a nice lady and a frind and you are a good mom to your kids and you are a frind to all of us.
I lik the dolls to. but all the dolls are girl dolls.
Can I have a boy doll plese? Like sweet william. I have blond hair and hazel eyes and a doll lik that wood be good. I like blue for close. maybe blue overalls. soft ones. maybe a blue hat like that girl dolly that has a hat with a point. That is a good hat. Or I wood like soft brown overalls with a knit hat with bunny ears. that wood be good too.
at first I thot of asking for a big dog with wings like my friend Golden, with hair like me, but a dog with wings. but that probly is too hard. I have lots ideas. but mostly I want a boy doll. plese.
your friend,
Max
Hi Carole,
I think that this plaid will look lovely as a pinafore dress with a little white shirt underneath. Your idea of the school girl is very sweet, tiny pencils and books, love it :-)
Hope you had a fun weekend dear friends,
we did, lovely day today but tired now, so off to bed another week starts tomorrow, how the time is flying past!
Love and hugs to you all
Laura x x
I think that this plaid will look lovely as a pinafore dress with a little white shirt underneath. Your idea of the school girl is very sweet, tiny pencils and books, love it :-)
Hope you had a fun weekend dear friends,
we did, lovely day today but tired now, so off to bed another week starts tomorrow, how the time is flying past!
Love and hugs to you all
Laura x x
Dear Laura,
We would really like a jumper with white blouse under it. To us, a plaid jumper and white blouse looks like a schoolgirl's outfit, and when we were young, school was our safe refuge.
(I am going to look online for doll-sized lunchbox, books, pencil.....)
gotta rush, get ready for church where we play our bodhran in the worship band.
a hug til later,
Carole
We would really like a jumper with white blouse under it. To us, a plaid jumper and white blouse looks like a schoolgirl's outfit, and when we were young, school was our safe refuge.
(I am going to look online for doll-sized lunchbox, books, pencil.....)
gotta rush, get ready for church where we play our bodhran in the worship band.
a hug til later,
Carole
Dearest Carole
Wow this is surely a huge compliment. Thank you so much for your wonderful words about my work. It really means a lot to me to have such feedback and someone who really understands how my process works. For me making these dolls is not in the least way about making money, it is about being able to reach out and spread a wee bit of my love through the world. I love the idea of my dolls being cuddled and played with, being whispered secrets too and taken on adventures. I try to make my dolls with this is mind, the play-ability factor, and you really see this and understand this, thank you for that.
Sometimes I make a doll and have no idea about now she should be dressed until she is ready to be clothed (hair and eyes finished), sometimes it is easier to see then what they should be wearing. Sometimes it is because the personality of the doll might not suit what I originally had in mind for them (they may not like a certain colour or might need to wear dungarees instead of a dress...for climbing trees perhaps?)
Maybe this is what needs to happen for Sally? We have an idea, but maybe we should let her 'dress herself'? I do have a fabric in mind that I picked up yesterday. I think it would be a plaid, it is a really soft red with a green through it. I think cotton flannelette (?!?!) not 100% sure it would be an upcycled dress. But it is very sweet and would be so so soft and cuddly. I can imagine it with the linen pinny and the green cardi? I will take a picture of it for you later and you can see what you think?
Anyway, we still have time to bat around a few ideas :-)
We had a wonderful time at the farm yesterday, Benny (my 3 year old) cried all the way home and into bed because he didn't want to leave. Our kind friends are giving us a drill in one of their fields to plant veg...
oh crying baby will get back to you later x x x x x
Wow this is surely a huge compliment. Thank you so much for your wonderful words about my work. It really means a lot to me to have such feedback and someone who really understands how my process works. For me making these dolls is not in the least way about making money, it is about being able to reach out and spread a wee bit of my love through the world. I love the idea of my dolls being cuddled and played with, being whispered secrets too and taken on adventures. I try to make my dolls with this is mind, the play-ability factor, and you really see this and understand this, thank you for that.
Sometimes I make a doll and have no idea about now she should be dressed until she is ready to be clothed (hair and eyes finished), sometimes it is easier to see then what they should be wearing. Sometimes it is because the personality of the doll might not suit what I originally had in mind for them (they may not like a certain colour or might need to wear dungarees instead of a dress...for climbing trees perhaps?)
Maybe this is what needs to happen for Sally? We have an idea, but maybe we should let her 'dress herself'? I do have a fabric in mind that I picked up yesterday. I think it would be a plaid, it is a really soft red with a green through it. I think cotton flannelette (?!?!) not 100% sure it would be an upcycled dress. But it is very sweet and would be so so soft and cuddly. I can imagine it with the linen pinny and the green cardi? I will take a picture of it for you later and you can see what you think?
Anyway, we still have time to bat around a few ideas :-)
We had a wonderful time at the farm yesterday, Benny (my 3 year old) cried all the way home and into bed because he didn't want to leave. Our kind friends are giving us a drill in one of their fields to plant veg...
oh crying baby will get back to you later x x x x x
Hi again Laura,
In the past month, we have looked at every Waldorf doll we could find on etsy, and studied the work of every Waldorf doll maker we could find on etsy. We figured out how to look at sales to see the dolls that each dollmaker had made before. Eventually, we found that there were four dollmakers whose work we liked the best. You, of course, were one of those dollmakers. What we are getting to is that even before you gave us the gift of acceptance and caring, of friendship, we admired your artistic sensibilities, your dollmaking style.... we see you as an artist, expressing yourself through your dolls.
So sometimes I think the wisest thing for me to do (for us to do) is to share some ideas or inclinations, and then after you and we have thrown some ideas around, then you go with what resonates with you and how you are inclined to make the doll at that time.
Am I making sense?
I feel like if I keep my hand, or my decisions, too much on the doll, that it might interfere with your creative process or decisions.
And we trust your decisions because we love your dolls.
We see a lot of love, and an understanding of childhood, shining through your dolls.
Carole
In the past month, we have looked at every Waldorf doll we could find on etsy, and studied the work of every Waldorf doll maker we could find on etsy. We figured out how to look at sales to see the dolls that each dollmaker had made before. Eventually, we found that there were four dollmakers whose work we liked the best. You, of course, were one of those dollmakers. What we are getting to is that even before you gave us the gift of acceptance and caring, of friendship, we admired your artistic sensibilities, your dollmaking style.... we see you as an artist, expressing yourself through your dolls.
So sometimes I think the wisest thing for me to do (for us to do) is to share some ideas or inclinations, and then after you and we have thrown some ideas around, then you go with what resonates with you and how you are inclined to make the doll at that time.
Am I making sense?
I feel like if I keep my hand, or my decisions, too much on the doll, that it might interfere with your creative process or decisions.
And we trust your decisions because we love your dolls.
We see a lot of love, and an understanding of childhood, shining through your dolls.
Carole
Hi dear Laura,
Maybe Sally is an Irish doll because she will be born in Ireland (she doesn't have to wear green, and she DEFINITELY doesn't have to wear shamrocks.
We went to farmer's market and got some nice wool batting from local sheep, and then our littles had a scoop of banana icecream. And then we found a waldorf doll booth and bought a 5 inch dolly to be Emily's dolly and also to use as a model for one kind of doll we might try as we have adventures in doll-making.
We hope you enjoyed being outdoors at your friend's farm and got to be with animals. We love animals. I had a horse for 15 years, and for several years I was a volunteer zookeeper aide, helping to take care of ungulates and carnivores. The giraffe used to lick my hair while I was cleaning his stall.
We used to have 5 dogs and a horse, but now we just have a cat. I really want a dog, but my husband Ray doesn't want to get a dog until after I recover from foot and ankle surgery. Last year after I had surgery, I was incredibly dependent on him for a month. He took a month off work to take care of me, and he will do that again. He was so patient and good. I would not have been able to be so patient.
Do you have any pets?
Gotta go take a nap. I was up early and didn't go back to sleep because I wanted to get to farmers market for the wool.
I keep falling asleep sitting here, which isn't good for typing.
bye for now,
—Carole
Maybe Sally is an Irish doll because she will be born in Ireland (she doesn't have to wear green, and she DEFINITELY doesn't have to wear shamrocks.
We went to farmer's market and got some nice wool batting from local sheep, and then our littles had a scoop of banana icecream. And then we found a waldorf doll booth and bought a 5 inch dolly to be Emily's dolly and also to use as a model for one kind of doll we might try as we have adventures in doll-making.
We hope you enjoyed being outdoors at your friend's farm and got to be with animals. We love animals. I had a horse for 15 years, and for several years I was a volunteer zookeeper aide, helping to take care of ungulates and carnivores. The giraffe used to lick my hair while I was cleaning his stall.
We used to have 5 dogs and a horse, but now we just have a cat. I really want a dog, but my husband Ray doesn't want to get a dog until after I recover from foot and ankle surgery. Last year after I had surgery, I was incredibly dependent on him for a month. He took a month off work to take care of me, and he will do that again. He was so patient and good. I would not have been able to be so patient.
Do you have any pets?
Gotta go take a nap. I was up early and didn't go back to sleep because I wanted to get to farmers market for the wool.
I keep falling asleep sitting here, which isn't good for typing.
bye for now,
—Carole
Hello dear friend
I'm glad you don't like Shamrocks :-) I'm not mad about them either!
I like the idea of plaid and a knitted cardi.
Hope you managed to get some wool for your practice heads. We're just ending our day here. Been in town and then visiting our friends farm this afternoon :-)
Bit of knitting to do before bed.
Hope you have a wonderful day
yours Laura x
I'm glad you don't like Shamrocks :-) I'm not mad about them either!
I like the idea of plaid and a knitted cardi.
Hope you managed to get some wool for your practice heads. We're just ending our day here. Been in town and then visiting our friends farm this afternoon :-)
Bit of knitting to do before bed.
Hope you have a wonderful day
yours Laura x
Hi Laura,
I just wrote a long email to you, and then lost it. aargh !
I was thinking about other ideas/possibilities for Sally's outfit.
I don't care for shamrocks,
but I do love plaids, so one possibility I was thinking of was a plaid jumper, with a knit cardi.
I need to get going and have a bite of breakfast, get out of my pjs, and go to farmer's market to look for some wool batting for practicing doll heads.
I'll write more later....
hugs,
Carole
I just wrote a long email to you, and then lost it. aargh !
I was thinking about other ideas/possibilities for Sally's outfit.
I don't care for shamrocks,
but I do love plaids, so one possibility I was thinking of was a plaid jumper, with a knit cardi.
I need to get going and have a bite of breakfast, get out of my pjs, and go to farmer's market to look for some wool batting for practicing doll heads.
I'll write more later....
hugs,
Carole
Dear Carole
Your capes sound so fun!! My wee one Benny likes capes, super hero capes. My mum who is very crafty also made him a blue one that gets lots of use :-)
I love the idea of a cape for Sally too! I am wondering about black, but then is black too dark for a child? Perhaps the cape could be dark green velour and her dress a lighter shade of green, perhaps something with shamrocks?
I was in town today but disappointed not to find anything doll sized much less a bodhran, but I will always keep my eyes open for anything. I did get a lovely vintage linen thing (?!?!) I'm not sure it's a hanky, perhaps a table doiley (sorry my spelling is bad today lol) that would be sweet for the apron, so we have that sorted out.
Sorry to hear about your surgery, here's hoping that it will all be sorted out after than and it will ease your discomfort long term! You will have your feet up for a long time. Lots of little projects to keep you all busy? Perhaps you could knit your dolls and bears some hats and socks? I'd be happy to send you my pattern if you wanted? They are straight forward and very satisfying and will use up tiny oddments of yarn. Let me know anyway if you'd like me to write them up for you (they are still in my head mostly:-) )
I am very happy to list any dolls you want me to make, I am really enjoying planning them with you and am itching to get started on them all.
So I will go and make the listing for Sally and you can let me know if there are any others you'd like me to list for you also.
I'm very excited about you trying doll making too, I think you'll all love it. My kids sit with me often just playing at making dolls, it's so sweet to watch really and Rebe has already made a simple one herself that she is very proud of. I do recommend that you have a trial run first using an old t-shirt. It really is more daunting than it seems and you'll be surprised with how quick and satisfying making the head shape can be. I wish we were closer to each other and I could show you how to do it. But always ask via here if you have any questions or if I can help in anyway.
Ok I will go and list Sally,
hope you're having a wonderful weekend,
love and hugs to you all x x
Your capes sound so fun!! My wee one Benny likes capes, super hero capes. My mum who is very crafty also made him a blue one that gets lots of use :-)
I love the idea of a cape for Sally too! I am wondering about black, but then is black too dark for a child? Perhaps the cape could be dark green velour and her dress a lighter shade of green, perhaps something with shamrocks?
I was in town today but disappointed not to find anything doll sized much less a bodhran, but I will always keep my eyes open for anything. I did get a lovely vintage linen thing (?!?!) I'm not sure it's a hanky, perhaps a table doiley (sorry my spelling is bad today lol) that would be sweet for the apron, so we have that sorted out.
Sorry to hear about your surgery, here's hoping that it will all be sorted out after than and it will ease your discomfort long term! You will have your feet up for a long time. Lots of little projects to keep you all busy? Perhaps you could knit your dolls and bears some hats and socks? I'd be happy to send you my pattern if you wanted? They are straight forward and very satisfying and will use up tiny oddments of yarn. Let me know anyway if you'd like me to write them up for you (they are still in my head mostly:-) )
I am very happy to list any dolls you want me to make, I am really enjoying planning them with you and am itching to get started on them all.
So I will go and make the listing for Sally and you can let me know if there are any others you'd like me to list for you also.
I'm very excited about you trying doll making too, I think you'll all love it. My kids sit with me often just playing at making dolls, it's so sweet to watch really and Rebe has already made a simple one herself that she is very proud of. I do recommend that you have a trial run first using an old t-shirt. It really is more daunting than it seems and you'll be surprised with how quick and satisfying making the head shape can be. I wish we were closer to each other and I could show you how to do it. But always ask via here if you have any questions or if I can help in anyway.
Ok I will go and list Sally,
hope you're having a wonderful weekend,
love and hugs to you all x x
Hi Laura,
Our littles want the Irish doll to be named Sally, after the Yeats poem and Irish tune "Down by the Sally Gardens".
We were thinking about another possibility instead of a shawl ..... a cape.
But we would love either. Once we talk about possibilities, we very much trust your judgement.
Eventually, we would like to have a doll with a cape, but it doesn't have to be Sally.
(When we start thinking about capes, we think about a velvet cape, a wool cape, and then........ a Super-Little cape! hee hee.....
so many ideas, so little time........)
Thinking of capes, I am remembering before my son started Waldorf first grade, I made capes for all the children in the class. I made some from scratch, and some from repurposed skirts..... fun!!!
hugs,
—Carole
Our littles want the Irish doll to be named Sally, after the Yeats poem and Irish tune "Down by the Sally Gardens".
We were thinking about another possibility instead of a shawl ..... a cape.
But we would love either. Once we talk about possibilities, we very much trust your judgement.
Eventually, we would like to have a doll with a cape, but it doesn't have to be Sally.
(When we start thinking about capes, we think about a velvet cape, a wool cape, and then........ a Super-Little cape! hee hee.....
so many ideas, so little time........)
Thinking of capes, I am remembering before my son started Waldorf first grade, I made capes for all the children in the class. I made some from scratch, and some from repurposed skirts..... fun!!!
hugs,
—Carole
Hi Laura,
I told Sally, our therapist, about how you and I have been writing back and forth, and how relieved we are that we can write to you openly about how the dolls you are making are for our littles. Sally talked a little about how "this doll thing" is giving us a lot of joy as well as comfort. When we have a new stuffed animal or doll, our littles always show Sally at the beginning of our session, and she holds the doll or teddy bear, and our littles watch her and think "oh, that what it looks like when a baby is held, gentle and caring."
With three young children, I am amazed at the dollmaking you accomplish. I feel kind of greedy, but what I really want is to have my dolls on your list, if you feel comfortable planning a ways ahead.
I love the idea of a dark green velour. If when you are in the celtic tourist shop, if you see a handkerchief with some celtic embroidery on it, perhaps it could be used for the apron? just a thought.....
I like the idea of an apron, bloomers, ribbon, and shawl. But it would be nice to have a way that the shawl could be attached in the front. Maybe a button?
It would be amazing if you found a doll-sized bodhran.
I need to get better at putting pictures on the computer.
Sometimes when littles are on the surface, we can't figure out how to use the telephone, much less how to post photos. Having skills separated by dissociative barriers in the brain can make things interesting....
While I was writing this, I got a phone call from my surgeon's nurse. It looks like I am going to have surgery to have screws taken out of my right foot in April, and then major foot and ankle reconstruction on my left foot and ankle in August.
A year ago, we had reconstruction surgery on our right foot and ankle.
We are not looking forward to this. Littles are scared.
We will comfort ourselves with dolls.
til later...
hugs,
Carole
I told Sally, our therapist, about how you and I have been writing back and forth, and how relieved we are that we can write to you openly about how the dolls you are making are for our littles. Sally talked a little about how "this doll thing" is giving us a lot of joy as well as comfort. When we have a new stuffed animal or doll, our littles always show Sally at the beginning of our session, and she holds the doll or teddy bear, and our littles watch her and think "oh, that what it looks like when a baby is held, gentle and caring."
With three young children, I am amazed at the dollmaking you accomplish. I feel kind of greedy, but what I really want is to have my dolls on your list, if you feel comfortable planning a ways ahead.
I love the idea of a dark green velour. If when you are in the celtic tourist shop, if you see a handkerchief with some celtic embroidery on it, perhaps it could be used for the apron? just a thought.....
I like the idea of an apron, bloomers, ribbon, and shawl. But it would be nice to have a way that the shawl could be attached in the front. Maybe a button?
It would be amazing if you found a doll-sized bodhran.
I need to get better at putting pictures on the computer.
Sometimes when littles are on the surface, we can't figure out how to use the telephone, much less how to post photos. Having skills separated by dissociative barriers in the brain can make things interesting....
While I was writing this, I got a phone call from my surgeon's nurse. It looks like I am going to have surgery to have screws taken out of my right foot in April, and then major foot and ankle reconstruction on my left foot and ankle in August.
A year ago, we had reconstruction surgery on our right foot and ankle.
We are not looking forward to this. Littles are scared.
We will comfort ourselves with dolls.
til later...
hugs,
Carole
Dear Carole
I am very honored to be your friend and thank you for your wonderful, kind words! I am very humbled that I can be part of your healing journey and that we can make these dolls together for the littles. They all sound so wonderful and sweet and I'm sure we are going to to make some really special dolls for them.
So far we have Sara's doll who is our little hedgehog friend and Cara's doll who is blond with purple clothes (with pockets in her dress for her treasures).
We are also thinking of the Irish doll, yes I love the idea of her being like Fionuala, she was very sweet. I am thinking for her a dark coloured dress (perhaps a dark green, maybe soft velour) with a white apron, white bloomers and a soft cosy shawl? Perhaps a green ribbon in her hair? I am going to my wee local town tomorrow and I thought I'd have a look in the tourist shops and see if they have any minature bodhrans or something similar?
All my love to all of you and big hugs
yours Laura x x
I am very honored to be your friend and thank you for your wonderful, kind words! I am very humbled that I can be part of your healing journey and that we can make these dolls together for the littles. They all sound so wonderful and sweet and I'm sure we are going to to make some really special dolls for them.
So far we have Sara's doll who is our little hedgehog friend and Cara's doll who is blond with purple clothes (with pockets in her dress for her treasures).
We are also thinking of the Irish doll, yes I love the idea of her being like Fionuala, she was very sweet. I am thinking for her a dark coloured dress (perhaps a dark green, maybe soft velour) with a white apron, white bloomers and a soft cosy shawl? Perhaps a green ribbon in her hair? I am going to my wee local town tomorrow and I thought I'd have a look in the tourist shops and see if they have any minature bodhrans or something similar?
All my love to all of you and big hugs
yours Laura x x
Oh Laura,
I am crying right now, with gratitude and relief and appreciation for your understanding and loving heart and mind. You really do understand. Of course there are things about DID that are unknown to you, but the important parts about the littles..... you really do get it.
Thank you for writing, and feeling, that you are glad to be knowing about the little ones you will be making the dolls for, and that you will be putting love into the stitches. That is something our littles long for, to have someone who knows them make something for them, with love. We know that we will feel the love that you will put into the dolls as you make them. And that will give healing.
We really wanted to be able to communicate with you in emails, without censoring ourselves, to be able to say something about our littles and the dolls like "the little Saras love hedgehogs," or Cara has curly blonde hair, and would like her doll to have pockets for holding treasures", or "Jennifer is grieving her baby who was killed, and would love have a baby doll to hold." And now we can write things like that, and you will understand.
And now we can tell you about our winged ones. Some of us have wings. Wings are important, the ability to fly. There are winged animals, large dogs with wings, and other kinds of animals. And some winged ones are human, or like angels.
Winged ones often give comfort and help to littles, but they are full-fledged personalities. They are ones-of-us.
When my son was quite little, he knew that he needed to stand close by me and hold my hand if we were on a cliff or a high ledge. Somehow he knew that some of us thought that we could fly. He kept us on the ground.
I have another friend, Vickie, we meet on Saturday afternoon and create the quilted banners and tablecloth covers that are used for different seasons in the sanctuary of our church. I taught Vickie to quilt and work improvisationally, and Vickie is a friend to all of us, and gives our littles understanding and hugs. When I feel little, the young parts of me so long to be seen and cared about. We can never have what it feels like to be in a child's body and be held with love. But, as my psychiatrist says, "We hold each other in different ways." We feel like you are seeing us. Thank you. One time I asked Vickie what it is like to be friends with someone who is multiple, and she said it is having lots of friends.
By responding to us with such openness, and caring, we feel like you are in the special category of our friends who can "see" our littles.
Thank you for being supportive of our trying to learn to make dolls. We're a little intimidated. But I think we need to try. We want to try.
But that doesn't change our wanting to buy your dolls. Different littles fall in love with different ones of your dolls.
We have to go get ready for therapy. Sally is our main therapist. I hope you don't mind, we want to share your letter with her. In therapy we have been talking about how Waldorf dolls are helping our Littles be in the present. It's always a little scary, telling someone we have DID, and what caused it. Some people withdraw. Some people recoil from the truth that DID represents.
What you wrote.... your response to our telling you about us......is such a gift.
You are a beautiful woman. Your children are incredibly blessed to have you as their mother.
Thank you for being a friend.
Littles want to say, Thank you for being nice to us. We loves the dollies you make.
—Carole (which is our name for all of us)
I am crying right now, with gratitude and relief and appreciation for your understanding and loving heart and mind. You really do understand. Of course there are things about DID that are unknown to you, but the important parts about the littles..... you really do get it.
Thank you for writing, and feeling, that you are glad to be knowing about the little ones you will be making the dolls for, and that you will be putting love into the stitches. That is something our littles long for, to have someone who knows them make something for them, with love. We know that we will feel the love that you will put into the dolls as you make them. And that will give healing.
We really wanted to be able to communicate with you in emails, without censoring ourselves, to be able to say something about our littles and the dolls like "the little Saras love hedgehogs," or Cara has curly blonde hair, and would like her doll to have pockets for holding treasures", or "Jennifer is grieving her baby who was killed, and would love have a baby doll to hold." And now we can write things like that, and you will understand.
And now we can tell you about our winged ones. Some of us have wings. Wings are important, the ability to fly. There are winged animals, large dogs with wings, and other kinds of animals. And some winged ones are human, or like angels.
Winged ones often give comfort and help to littles, but they are full-fledged personalities. They are ones-of-us.
When my son was quite little, he knew that he needed to stand close by me and hold my hand if we were on a cliff or a high ledge. Somehow he knew that some of us thought that we could fly. He kept us on the ground.
I have another friend, Vickie, we meet on Saturday afternoon and create the quilted banners and tablecloth covers that are used for different seasons in the sanctuary of our church. I taught Vickie to quilt and work improvisationally, and Vickie is a friend to all of us, and gives our littles understanding and hugs. When I feel little, the young parts of me so long to be seen and cared about. We can never have what it feels like to be in a child's body and be held with love. But, as my psychiatrist says, "We hold each other in different ways." We feel like you are seeing us. Thank you. One time I asked Vickie what it is like to be friends with someone who is multiple, and she said it is having lots of friends.
By responding to us with such openness, and caring, we feel like you are in the special category of our friends who can "see" our littles.
Thank you for being supportive of our trying to learn to make dolls. We're a little intimidated. But I think we need to try. We want to try.
But that doesn't change our wanting to buy your dolls. Different littles fall in love with different ones of your dolls.
We have to go get ready for therapy. Sally is our main therapist. I hope you don't mind, we want to share your letter with her. In therapy we have been talking about how Waldorf dolls are helping our Littles be in the present. It's always a little scary, telling someone we have DID, and what caused it. Some people withdraw. Some people recoil from the truth that DID represents.
What you wrote.... your response to our telling you about us......is such a gift.
You are a beautiful woman. Your children are incredibly blessed to have you as their mother.
Thank you for being a friend.
Littles want to say, Thank you for being nice to us. We loves the dollies you make.
—Carole (which is our name for all of us)
Oh my dearest Carole
My very first instinct reading your story is to pick you all up, wrap you in a quilt and sit with you on my knee, your head tucked under my chin and just rock you, for hours, for days, for weeks! The mother in me is crying out for all of you! I have much to write and I will try and write it now, but the kids are around and I may get distracted, so I will come back if I need to.
Firstly I want to thank you for sharing this with me, you are very trusting and I appreciate your honesty and the journey that you are on.
I want to tell you how much I admire you. You are an incredible woman. Not only are you dealing with the physical pain (your back) and you are dealing with such huge emotional pain and yet, you are still here, you are still beautiful and you are still functioning! You are an amazing mother, to Chris, yes, but also to the littles. I know it is hard having three kids of my own, and sometimes it is tiring and stressful, but here you are mothering 500 little children, many of them so so needy and in pain! Wow I admire your strength and determination and the sheer amount of love you have in you!
I am really pleased that you chose to share this about yourself. I think it will be really nice that we can truly make the dolls for the littles, and that I can be a part of your loving them in this way (I hope I'm expressing myself properly about this, I do hope so)! I know that when I make these dolls I will pour love and care and cuddles into every stitch and I hope that you will feel that when you are cuddling them.
I think it is a really wonderful idea for you to make dolls. I do feel that the physical act of making the doll is a way of making love visible and tangible. When I work on a doll I can feel the love coming from my heart and soul and pouring out through my fingers..I can even feel the warmth of that love physically heat up my fingers (so much so that when I rub the wax on their little cheeks my fingers are so warm the wax melts very easily and the colour rubs off really easily!) I think too that the children holding a doll (or a toy or a quilt) that is made with pure love can feel this, I truly do and I think what a wonderful way for you to be able to express your love and care for each of the littles by being able to make them a doll of pure love!
If you need any help or tips with that do please contact me and I can help in whatever way I can.
I also wanted to add that I have just made a weighted doll (the blond william doll). He has grain in his tummy which gives him a really lovely weight to cuddle and hold and I think this would be really lovely and comforting. Just a thought incase you wanted to try that too.
I am sending you (all) my deepest best wishes and huge hugs
Laura x x x
My very first instinct reading your story is to pick you all up, wrap you in a quilt and sit with you on my knee, your head tucked under my chin and just rock you, for hours, for days, for weeks! The mother in me is crying out for all of you! I have much to write and I will try and write it now, but the kids are around and I may get distracted, so I will come back if I need to.
Firstly I want to thank you for sharing this with me, you are very trusting and I appreciate your honesty and the journey that you are on.
I want to tell you how much I admire you. You are an incredible woman. Not only are you dealing with the physical pain (your back) and you are dealing with such huge emotional pain and yet, you are still here, you are still beautiful and you are still functioning! You are an amazing mother, to Chris, yes, but also to the littles. I know it is hard having three kids of my own, and sometimes it is tiring and stressful, but here you are mothering 500 little children, many of them so so needy and in pain! Wow I admire your strength and determination and the sheer amount of love you have in you!
I am really pleased that you chose to share this about yourself. I think it will be really nice that we can truly make the dolls for the littles, and that I can be a part of your loving them in this way (I hope I'm expressing myself properly about this, I do hope so)! I know that when I make these dolls I will pour love and care and cuddles into every stitch and I hope that you will feel that when you are cuddling them.
I think it is a really wonderful idea for you to make dolls. I do feel that the physical act of making the doll is a way of making love visible and tangible. When I work on a doll I can feel the love coming from my heart and soul and pouring out through my fingers..I can even feel the warmth of that love physically heat up my fingers (so much so that when I rub the wax on their little cheeks my fingers are so warm the wax melts very easily and the colour rubs off really easily!) I think too that the children holding a doll (or a toy or a quilt) that is made with pure love can feel this, I truly do and I think what a wonderful way for you to be able to express your love and care for each of the littles by being able to make them a doll of pure love!
If you need any help or tips with that do please contact me and I can help in whatever way I can.
I also wanted to add that I have just made a weighted doll (the blond william doll). He has grain in his tummy which gives him a really lovely weight to cuddle and hold and I think this would be really lovely and comforting. Just a thought incase you wanted to try that too.
I am sending you (all) my deepest best wishes and huge hugs
Laura x x x
hair like a hedgehog
Hi again Laura,
Oh the curly long brown hair is perfect for the wee hedgehog doll. Definitely yes!
you are brilliant!
Carole
Oh the curly long brown hair is perfect for the wee hedgehog doll. Definitely yes!
you are brilliant!
Carole
a new friendship
Hi Laura,
I feel like we are developing a friendship online. If we were geographically closer, I would ask you if you want to get together and have tea and chat while we do handwork (currently I'm hand-stitching binding on a very bright improvisationally pieced quilt that has tropical fish appliqued on it.) Or I would invite you and your daughter for a teddy bear tea party.
I love it that you are calling this doll my inner child doll. I have lots of inner children, and they love your dolls!
I was able to get a fat quarter of a pink hedgehog fabric; it's on its way from Japan. I've got my kitchen table cleared off (an on-going challenge), and I'm hoping to get my featherweight sewing machine set up. I've been not-machine-sewing for a year because of back and ankle pain, and I've been really missing it!
til later,
—Carole
I feel like we are developing a friendship online. If we were geographically closer, I would ask you if you want to get together and have tea and chat while we do handwork (currently I'm hand-stitching binding on a very bright improvisationally pieced quilt that has tropical fish appliqued on it.) Or I would invite you and your daughter for a teddy bear tea party.
I love it that you are calling this doll my inner child doll. I have lots of inner children, and they love your dolls!
I was able to get a fat quarter of a pink hedgehog fabric; it's on its way from Japan. I've got my kitchen table cleared off (an on-going challenge), and I'm hoping to get my featherweight sewing machine set up. I've been not-machine-sewing for a year because of back and ankle pain, and I've been really missing it!
til later,
—Carole
Hello Carole, oh it's so lovely to hear that, you can't imagine how much I am going to enjoy making these dolls for you.
I have a made a custom listing for your own little inner child doll. As I said I have a few other dolls on order at the moment, but all going well I should finish those in a couple of weeks and then be free to work on your dolls. I will certainly keep you posted anyway on how I'm going!
I used these pictures of the brown-haired doll because if I was to choose any look for your hedgehog doll that is what I'd choose, long stylable brown hair that can be braided out of the way. This type of mohair yarn should also hold a bit better than a straight mohair. It also seems like the colours and the style look quite hedgehog-y? What do you think? Of course you still have plenty of time to think about it and I will confirm your decision before I start work.
Did you manage to get hold of that hedgehog fabric we were looking at for the quilt?
Hope you and yours are all well,
Yours with very warm wishes (and lots of sleep vibes)
Laura x
I have a made a custom listing for your own little inner child doll. As I said I have a few other dolls on order at the moment, but all going well I should finish those in a couple of weeks and then be free to work on your dolls. I will certainly keep you posted anyway on how I'm going!
I used these pictures of the brown-haired doll because if I was to choose any look for your hedgehog doll that is what I'd choose, long stylable brown hair that can be braided out of the way. This type of mohair yarn should also hold a bit better than a straight mohair. It also seems like the colours and the style look quite hedgehog-y? What do you think? Of course you still have plenty of time to think about it and I will confirm your decision before I start work.
Did you manage to get hold of that hedgehog fabric we were looking at for the quilt?
Hope you and yours are all well,
Yours with very warm wishes (and lots of sleep vibes)
Laura x
Hello dear Carole
How lovely that this doll spoke to you so much!!
I'd be delighted to make you a similar one. I will make you a custom listing tomorrow and will be able to start work on her in a couple of weeks.
Thanks so much for your kind words and support as always, it means the world to me.
Yours Laura x
How lovely that this doll spoke to you so much!!
I'd be delighted to make you a similar one. I will make you a custom listing tomorrow and will be able to start work on her in a couple of weeks.
Thanks so much for your kind words and support as always, it means the world to me.
Yours Laura x
doll with a purple dress
Hi Laura,
I love this doll!
I love purple, and when I was younger, I had waist-length blonde hair,
so this doll really speaks to me.
Could I custom order a doll similar to this doll?
warmly,
Carole
I love this doll!
I love purple, and when I was younger, I had waist-length blonde hair,
so this doll really speaks to me.
Could I custom order a doll similar to this doll?
warmly,
Carole
Dear Laura
Dear Laura,
I love the dolls you make.
I'm on a healing journey (which I will probably tell you about some day), and already your dolls have become part of that journey.
Your dolls seem to hold the essence of a good childhood. Clearly they hold a lot of love, and joy.
hugs,
—Carole
I love the dolls you make.
I'm on a healing journey (which I will probably tell you about some day), and already your dolls have become part of that journey.
Your dolls seem to hold the essence of a good childhood. Clearly they hold a lot of love, and joy.
hugs,
—Carole
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